Are You An Internet Addict?

        
Yes, one can get addicted to the internet. I’m almost on the verge of become a victim of internet addiction. So those who believe that addictions are only of things which throw out smoke or ruin your livers, think again. Internet has become the new vice of the techno savvy younger generation who probably cannot even breathe without being connected to the www. Times, they are a changing and don’t be surprised if you see a new rehab centre for treating internet addiction springing up in your neighborhood. Want what these internet addicts look like? Take a look.
Just click on the pics to view larger versions of the photos.
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What to do, we are like this only

Wow... I have really come to admire this man who goes by the name of Raj Thackeray. I mean look at his immense contribution to India. First, he’s making sure that everyone realizes where they actually belong to. That’s like reminding people of their roots. People have forgotten their roots and they have forgotten their parents. Go back to your parents is the message he is giving. Now that’s not bad is it?

I recently heard a conversation between a Bihari and a Upiite. Here are excerpts from that conversation.

Bihari: What is up?

UPiite: The Indians are going to the moon, so I guess the rocket is up…

Bihari: arre not that, about Raj Thackeray

UPiite: oh that? Arre it is getting increasingly difficult man. My Marathi tuition teacher has raised his fees again.

Bihari: Yeah, same here. Well, it’s in demand na. So how much Marathi have you learned?

UPiite: Ticha aaii laa… Aaii ga…

Bihari: very good…I have learnt… Aai chaa gho…aai za…(self Censored) hehe…it is a very mother oriented language…everything revolves around the mother… I’m loving it…I thought only Biharis loved their mothers but Maharashtrians love mothers too…

UPiite: Yeah there is no difference, eh? I think so too… a lot of mother is used in Marathi… like ‘Aaii La’ is also much used…

Bihari: I have also learned, what ‘Guddi buddhi jhaali’ means…

UPiite: hahaha…very nice…and you know what ‘Aai shappat’ means?

Bihari: Yeah, again mother comes into picture… so are you applying for the Railway jobs?

UPiite: yes but they are beating up non-Maharashtrians.

Bihari: I know…but they are fools…I got the forms filled in Marathi…they didn’t touch me…instead they beat up 50 Maharashtrians who had filled the form in English…idiots.

UPiite: hahaha… maa-hiti aahe…(Maa again) they are so stupid…what are they fighting for anyways?

Bihari: I guess, they want more intelligent people to turn Maharashtrians because they don’t have intelligent people amongst them. Simple.

UPiite: Yeah, I guess that is the reason. Also, they want a share of the pie from all Government organizations. I mean, there is so much to earn from bribes in the Railways.

Bihari: But asking for bribes is also an art. I mean how can they know how to take what rightfully doesn’t belong to them? That’s a prerogative of us North Indians, isn’t it?

UPiite: yeah, right. They will spoil the market of bribes by asking for a vada paav for a train berth or at the most money for Misal for a Chair Car seat.

Bihari: That’s what I’m worried about. It will set a bad precedent. People will start expecting that we will settle for 10 or maximum 20 bucks.

UPiite: Yeah, look at the Maharashtrian traffic police- they are so cheap. Imagine, they take only 50 bucks for breaking a signal. These Maharashtrians don’t think big.

Bihari: Yeah…sad… What do you think of this Raj guy?

UPiite: I think the Maharashtrians would call him ‘chaangla’. I think if he is chaanglaa, he should be sent to China…

Bihari: hahahaha…that’s what he wants to make Bombay too. Oh sorry, Mumbai.

UPiite: Better be careful what you call this city. They changed the name to Mumbai which, do you know, was primarily a Gujarati word earlier. The Gujaratis could not pronounce Bombay without making it sound like ‘Bombil’ fish and they hate fish (they are vegetarians, remember?)- so they started calling it Mumbai.

Bihari: Oh, then what’s so Maharashtrian about Mumbai anyway? Why did the Maharashtrians change it to a Gujarati name?

UPiite: I guess because 60% of people in Mumbai were Gujaratis and slowly even Maharashtrians started speaking in Gujarati if they wanted to survive in the city because to conduct business one had to learn Gujarati or Sindhi.

Bihari: Hmm…I also heard that Mumbai is what it is today basically because of the efforts of Parsis, Sindhis and Gujaratis.

UPiite: Yes, and anyway, it was never Maharashtrian- it was supposed to be a part of Gujarat only but then something went wrong and it was made a part of Maharashtra.

Bihari: I guess because of the location. Hmm…then what is the MNS fighting for?

UPiite: You think they are fighting for Maharashtrians? Are you mad? Raj wants publicity and there are too many unemployed, uneducated, stupid Maharashtrians who are ready to vandalize and ransack for a vada pav and an aardha paav…

Bihari: what does that mean?

UPiite: arre, aardha paav means half a quarter of daaru…

Bihari: Not even a full quarter?

UPiite: No…that’s what I mean by cheap… anyway… If this guy wanted to do something for Maharashtrians he should go to the Vidharba and interiors of Maharashtra where farmers are committing suicide even now.

Bihari: He doesn’t bother about them?

UPiite: No one bothers about them. There is no water, there is no farming, there is no infrastructure there, but who cares. Surely Raj doesn’t.

Bihari: So he is just interested in power and publicity?

UPiite: Exactly… just like our leaders in Bihar and UP. It’s the same yaar. Raj Thackeray is just making Mumbai into another Bihar or UP city.

Bihari: That’s the reason we came here in the first place. Now if Mumbai becomes Bihar then where would the people go from here?

UPiite: Maybe to the south…

Bihari: But they would not tolerate us either and more than that who wants to tolerate them and their gibberish languages?

UPiite: Abroad is also not an option because they look down upon all Indians. Then what is the next option?

Bihari: We can go back home but then we would have to get back to what we used to do there- nothing.

UPiite: hmm, no body wants us…

Bihari: There is one place we can go to.

UPiite: where?

Bihari: We can go to the interior villages of Maharashtra and join the communists. Raj Thackeray would never dare to touch us then.

UPiite: Yes, he won’t have the courage to even acknowledge us then just like the rest of the country who turns a blind eye and a deaf ear every time the ‘C’ word is mentioned.

Bihari: That’s a good idea.

UPiite: I second that. (In a Maharashtrian twang) Chalaa Gadchiroli…

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DUMBING OF A NATION

We as a nation are going from dumb to dumber to dumbest.

Angry?

Well, you should be.

Because I am.

Everything we do. Everything we see. Everything we achieve is all a part of a greater conspiracy to dumb us out of believing that we live in a blessed country.

Now I’m not blowing the leftist bugle here, but am also not condoning the democratic setup that our people are slowly becoming so proud of. I mean, I don’t even care about politics. To be frank, I don’t know much about politics. But that doesn’t stop me from observing the small details in this circus called Indian politics.

By small details I mean the human beings who are known as ‘Indians’ worldwide. What does Indian stand for anyway?

We are still told what we can do and what we can’t do, even after the British have left us alone for so long. Not that we do anything anyway, because as people we are a content lot. Let’s look at how dumb we actually are:

1. Have you ever taken an off from work saying you are not well but actually you wanted to watch that cricket match between India and Australia? Hmmm… and do you remember the result? Felt dumb after that? Hehe…
2. You buy a new car but are really scared to take it out on the roads because there are no roads. What do you do about it? Nothing, nada, zilch. You look for a good mechanic and make friends with him so that he can check your car every second day for little niggles and broken chassis.
3. You don’t travel by a car- you travel by a local train? Great? I mean, the 8.44 local really looks good now, what with the various advertisements on the coaches and new-improved ventilation. So what if the crowds are still the same? So what if you are still not able to board it? God! It’s a new improved train, can’t you see it? Be thankful for once.
4. Do you really know what the nuclear deal is all about? Come on… a little bit? No? Oh…you know what? Same here. To think that this was the main story doing the rounds of all the news channels and newspapers. But we are all proud of the deal. Now we can show the world, we have arrived. Ha ha ha! Arrived where? Gawd, how dumb can you get? Forget it. I’m not telling you.
5. Talking of news channels. Well, well, well… Do you know that the world is going to end in a few days? No, not years or months, a few days because of some experiment being conducted somewhere in some part of the world. Oh my, now that’s something to really think about, isn’t it? I want to catch hold of that India TV guy who broke this ‘breaking news’. I want to wring his neck and strangle him till he really knows what the end means.
6. Do you use your credit card? Of course, you do. That’s what the banks want you to do so that they can then trap you into an infinite debt which you or your future generations will never be able to pay back. (Remember the old movies where the ‘zamindaar’ used to suck out the life out of the farmers because of a meager debt they owed him?) Aah! History.
7. Farmers remind me, what was the last count of the number of suicides by farmers? You don’t know? Well, don’t worry, nobody does.
8. Talking of farmers again, reminds me of the current hot topic on TV- The Singur land issue. Wow! Can you imagine, the stupid farmers are protesting for their fertile land being taken away from them and them being uprooted from the places they were born- their whole identity? I mean, how can anyone be so dumb? Don’t they realize the importance of a car like Nano? It will revolutionize the whole country. It will be a ‘great’ step further for India as a nation. We can now proudly tell the world that we have a car which will benefit countless of dumb people living in the urban states who travel by trains and buses because they will finally be able to be a part of the elite car-owners club and join the traffic jams on the highways. More power to traffic jams. Wah! Of course, the farmers will be homeless but then that’s a small sacrifice for something so revolutionary. By the way, my prediction is that Nano will cost much more than a lakh by the time it is actually in the market. (Destroys the whole purpose, doesn’t it?) Dumb Tata Dumb.
9. Movies--- my favorite topic. You know, we as an audience ask for very little in the movies. A few laughs here, a bit of emotion there, a decent story and we come out saying, ‘achchi story thi yaar’. ‘Direction mast tha’. I think the movies are the dumbest thing we as an audience are subjected to in India. It is so easy for the makers. Buy a Hollywood film DVD. Hire a Rs. 10000/- a month assistant who will ‘write’ the scenes from the DVD. Hire a dialogue writer who knows how to rhyme words, show the DVD to a star actor and voila! You have a producer who will finance the film. Go to exotic locations for the shooting where the hero and heroine can have their romantic escapades, pump in some extra crores for the publicity and the audience laps it up like it was the best thing after independence. The actor earns crores, the producer earns his crores, everyone is happy. Audience is happy. End of story. But you know what? Still there are some people who don’t manage to pull in their audience. I mean how dumb can one get that even after copying a hit Hollywood film, one fails to connect with the audience? Gawd! Now that’s Dumb!.
10. I guess, there are still a lot of things which one could list here like the water problem, the power cuts, the government agencies, the police, traffic cops, Raj Thakeray, Jaya Bachchan, Ambanis, Saurav Ganguly, Sachin Tendulkar, Shahrukh Khan, etc.etc. Talking of Shahrukh, he has been unusually away from the news after his spat with Salman, isn’t he? Kya hua Shahrukh bhai?

Anyway, all these topics will be reviewed in detail in the further posts, not that anyone is interested anyway. But then you are all so dumb that I don’t really care of what I subject you to.

Suckerssssssssss!!!!!

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