September 10, 2008


We as a nation are going from dumb to dumber to dumbest.


Well, you should be.

Because I am.

Everything we do. Everything we see. Everything we achieve is all a part of a greater conspiracy to dumb us out of believing that we live in a blessed country.

Now I’m not blowing the leftist bugle here, but am also not condoning the democratic setup that our people are slowly becoming so proud of. I mean, I don’t even care about politics. To be frank, I don’t know much about politics. But that doesn’t stop me from observing the small details in this circus called Indian politics.

By small details I mean the human beings who are known as ‘Indians’ worldwide. What does Indian stand for anyway?

We are still told what we can do and what we can’t do, even after the British have left us alone for so long. Not that we do anything anyway, because as people we are a content lot. Let’s look at how dumb we actually are:

  1. Have you ever taken an off from work saying you are not well but actually you wanted to watch that cricket match between India and Australia? Hmmm… and do you remember the result? Felt dumb after that? Hehe…
  2. You buy a new car but are really scared to take it out on the roads because there are no roads. What do you do about it? Nothing, nada, zilch. You look for a good mechanic and make friends with him so that he can check your car every second day for little niggles and broken chassis.
  3. You don’t travel by a car- you travel by a local train? Great? I mean, the 8.44 local really looks good now, what with the various advertisements on the coaches and new-improved ventilation. So what if the crowds are still the same? So what if you are still not able to board it? God! It’s a new improved train, can’t you see it? Be thankful for once.
  4. Do you really know what the nuclear deal is all about? Come on… a little bit? No? Oh…you know what? Same here. To think that this was the main story doing the rounds of all the news channels and newspapers. But we are all proud of the deal. Now we can show the world, we have arrived. Ha ha ha! Arrived where? Gawd, how dumb can you get? Forget it. I’m not telling you.
  5. Talking of news channels. Well, well, well… Do you know that the world is going to end in a few days? No, not years or months, a few days because of some experiment being conducted somewhere in some part of the world. Oh my, now that’s something to really think about, isn’t it? I want to catch hold of that India TV guy who broke this ‘breaking news’. I want to wring his neck and strangle him till he really knows what the end means.
  6. Do you use your credit card? Of course, you do. That’s what the banks want you to do so that they can then trap you into an infinite debt which you or your future generations will never be able to pay back. (Remember the old movies where the ‘zamindaar’ used to suck out the life out of the farmers because of a meager debt they owed him?) Aah! History.
  7. Farmers remind me, what was the last count of the number of suicides by farmers? You don’t know? Well, don’t worry, nobody does.
  8. Talking of farmers again, reminds me of the current hot topic on TV- The Singur land issue. Wow! Can you imagine, the stupid farmers are protesting for their fertile land being taken away from them and them being uprooted from the places they were born- their whole identity? I mean, how can anyone be so dumb? Don’t they realize the importance of a car like Nano? It will revolutionize the whole country. It will be a ‘great’ step further for India as a nation. We can now proudly tell the world that we have a car which will benefit countless of dumb people living in the urban states who travel by trains and buses because they will finally be able to be a part of the elite car-owners club and join the traffic jams on the highways. More power to traffic jams. Wah! Of course, the farmers will be homeless but then that’s a small sacrifice for something so revolutionary. By the way, my prediction is that Nano will cost much more than a lakh by the time it is actually in the market. (Destroys the whole purpose, doesn’t it?) Dumb Tata Dumb.
  9. Movies--- my favorite topic. You know, we as an audience ask for very little in the movies. A few laughs here, a bit of emotion there, a decent story and we come out saying, ‘achchi story thi yaar’. ‘Direction mast tha’. I think the movies are the dumbest thing we as an audience are subjected to in India. It is so easy for the makers. Buy a Hollywood film DVD. Hire a Rs. 10000/- a month assistant who will ‘write’ the scenes from the DVD. Hire a dialogue writer who knows how to rhyme words, show the DVD to a star actor and voila! You have a producer who will finance the film. Go to exotic locations for the shooting where the hero and heroine can have their romantic escapades, pump in some extra crores for the publicity and the audience laps it up like it was the best thing after independence. The actor earns crores, the producer earns his crores, everyone is happy. Audience is happy. End of story. But you know what? Still there are some people who don’t manage to pull in their audience. I mean how dumb can one get that even after copying a hit Hollywood film, one fails to connect with the audience? Gawd! Now that’s Dumb!.
  10. I guess, there are still a lot of things which one could list here like the water problem, the power cuts, the government agencies, the police, traffic cops, Raj Thakeray, Jaya Bachchan, Ambanis, Saurav Ganguly, Sachin Tendulkar, Shahrukh Khan, etc.etc. Talking of Shahrukh, he has been unusually away from the news after his spat with Salman, isn’t he? Kya hua Shahrukh bhai?

Anyway, all these topics will be reviewed in detail in the further posts, not that anyone is interested anyway. But then you are all so dumb that I don’t really care of what I subject you to.



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