October 21, 2008

What to do, we are like this only


Wow... I have really come to admire this man who goes by the name of Raj Thackeray. I mean look at his immense contribution to India. First, he’s making sure that everyone realizes where they actually belong to. That’s like reminding people of their roots. People have forgotten their roots and they have forgotten their parents. Go back to your parents is the message he is giving. Now that’s not bad is it?

I recently heard a conversation between a Bihari and a Upiite. Here are excerpts from that conversation.

Bihari: What is up?

UPiite: The Indians are going to the moon, so I guess the rocket is up…

Bihari: arre not that, about Raj Thackeray

UPiite: oh that? Arre it is getting increasingly difficult man. My Marathi tuition teacher has raised his fees again.

Bihari: Yeah, same here. Well, it’s in demand na. So how much Marathi have you learned?

UPiite: Ticha aaii laa… Aaii ga…

Bihari: very good…I have learnt… Aai chaa ghoaai za…(self Censored) hehe…it is a very mother oriented language…everything revolves around the mother… I’m loving it…I thought only Biharis loved their mothers but Maharashtrians love mothers too…

UPiite: Yeah there is no difference, eh? I think so too… a lot of mother is used in Marathi… like ‘Aaii La’ is also much used…

Bihari: I have also learned, what ‘Guddi buddhi jhaali’ means…

UPiite: hahaha…very nice…and you know what ‘Aai shappat’ means?

Bihari: Yeah, again mother comes into picture… so are you applying for the Railway jobs?

UPiite: yes but they are beating up non-Maharashtrians.

Bihari: I know…but they are fools…I got the forms filled in Marathi…they didn’t touch me…instead they beat up 50 Maharashtrians who had filled the form in English…idiots.

UPiite: hahaha… maa-hiti aahe…(Maa again) they are so stupid…what are they fighting for anyways?

Bihari: I guess, they want more intelligent people to turn Maharashtrians because they don’t have intelligent people amongst them. Simple.

UPiite: Yeah, I guess that is the reason. Also, they want a share of the pie from all Government organizations. I mean, there is so much to earn from bribes in the Railways.

Bihari: But asking for bribes is also an art. I mean how can they know how to take what rightfully doesn’t belong to them? That’s a prerogative of us North Indians, isn’t it?

UPiite: yeah, right. They will spoil the market of bribes by asking for a vada paav for a train berth or at the most money for Misal for a Chair Car seat.

Bihari: That’s what I’m worried about. It will set a bad precedent. People will start expecting that we will settle for 10 or maximum 20 bucks.

UPiite: Yeah, look at the Maharashtrian traffic police- they are so cheap. Imagine, they take only 50 bucks for breaking a signal. These Maharashtrians don’t think big.

Bihari: Yeah…sad… What do you think of this Raj guy?

UPiite: I think the Maharashtrians would call him ‘chaangla’. I think if he is chaanglaa, he should be sent to China

Bihari: hahahaha…that’s what he wants to make Bombay too. Oh sorry, Mumbai.

UPiite: Better be careful what you call this city. They changed the name to Mumbai which, do you know, was primarily a Gujarati word earlier. The Gujaratis could not pronounce Bombay without making it sound like ‘Bombil’ fish and they hate fish (they are vegetarians, remember?)- so they started calling it Mumbai.

Bihari: Oh, then what’s so Maharashtrian about Mumbai anyway? Why did the Maharashtrians change it to a Gujarati name?

UPiite: I guess because 60% of people in Mumbai were Gujaratis and slowly even Maharashtrians started speaking in Gujarati if they wanted to survive in the city because to conduct business one had to learn Gujarati or Sindhi.

Bihari: Hmm…I also heard that Mumbai is what it is today basically because of the efforts of Parsis, Sindhis and Gujaratis.

UPiite: Yes, and anyway, it was never Maharashtrian- it was supposed to be a part of Gujarat only but then something went wrong and it was made a part of Maharashtra.

Bihari: I guess because of the location. Hmm…then what is the MNS fighting for?

UPiite: You think they are fighting for Maharashtrians? Are you mad? Raj wants publicity and there are too many unemployed, uneducated, stupid Maharashtrians who are ready to vandalize and ransack for a vada pav and an aardha paav

Bihari: what does that mean?

UPiite: arre, aardha paav means half a quarter of daaru

Bihari: Not even a full quarter?

UPiite: No…that’s what I mean by cheap… anyway… If this guy wanted to do something for Maharashtrians he should go to the Vidharba and interiors of Maharashtra where farmers are committing suicide even now.

Bihari: He doesn’t bother about them?

UPiite: No one bothers about them. There is no water, there is no farming, there is no infrastructure there, but who cares. Surely Raj doesn’t.

Bihari: So he is just interested in power and publicity?

UPiite: Exactly… just like our leaders in Bihar and UP. It’s the same yaar. Raj Thackeray is just making Mumbai into another Bihar or UP city.

Bihari: That’s the reason we came here in the first place. Now if Mumbai becomes Bihar then where would the people go from here?

UPiite: Maybe to the south…

Bihari: But they would not tolerate us either and more than that who wants to tolerate them and their gibberish languages?

UPiite: Abroad is also not an option because they look down upon all Indians. Then what is the next option?

Bihari: We can go back home but then we would have to get back to what we used to do there- nothing.

UPiite: hmm, no body wants us…

Bihari: There is one place we can go to.

UPiite: where?

Bihari: We can go to the interior villages of Maharashtra and join the communists. Raj Thackeray would never dare to touch us then.

UPiite: Yes, he won’t have the courage to even acknowledge us then just like the rest of the country who turns a blind eye and a deaf ear every time the ‘C’ word is mentioned.

Bihari: That’s a good idea.

UPiite: I second that. (In a Maharashtrian twang) Chalaa Gadchiroli


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