Very Funny Interview Of A Doctor- Dont Miss It

I love this Doctor

I found this amazing interview of a Doctor- this one is for all those fitness freak douchebags who think they can walk and talk forever... read on...

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.
And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient
mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil . In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride!'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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Men-Women Jokes And Gags

‘Men are from Mars and women are from Venus’ - whoever said this confused many people like me. ‘Men are like chalk and cheese’- Well, now this I understand. Read the articles below and you will surely get the drift. 

Funny Articles	Visual Men- Women Jokes
18 Rules Guys Wish Girls Knew	Interesting Ways To Murder Husband
Women Are Dumb	Women Drivers- Really Funny
Men Make Better Friends
Saying The Write Thing At Right Time
Funny Joke Men & Women
5 Toughest Questions For Married Men
Women’s Day Special

Reasons Why Men Are Always Happy:

• They get to keep their last names
• They never get pregnant
• Phone conversations last 30 seconds flat
• A 5 day vacation requires only 1 suitcase or probably a back pack
• If someone forgets to invite him, he/she can still be his friend
• The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades
• They only have to shave only the face and neck
• They can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on 24th December in 25 minutes flat.
• They don’t freak out when they go to a party and see someone else wearing the same shirt. Instead they become buddies.

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Interesting Ways To Murder Your Husband

This article is for all those wives who want to kill their husbands but don’t know how. It was sent to me by a very dear female friend. Just to prove how sporting we men are, I'm willing to share this funny and interesting methods to kill one's husband. So all ya women out there...enjoy!

Below are some really innovative and interesting ways to kill your husband.

Probably the best method. Put a label of ‘Viagra’ on a bottle which contains ‘Poison’ or ‘Cyanide’. Men never read further than the main label on any bottle. Considering the psychological effect on men of even reading ‘Viagra’ on the bottle, chances are that he might even perform better in bed before dying. hehehe!

This is the second best method in the list. Men never wake up when the alarm rings, they almost, always try to put it off. This poisoned injection should easily put the man off forever.

This one is especially for husbands who smoke. Cheap, effective and bang! One round of bullet as soon as he lights up.

This one is for the Internet addict.

Gruesome way…truly gruesome…but if you hate your husband that much then he deserves it probably.

For the Golf Addict. So the next time you go out to play golf without telling your wife, then beware, ‘cos there could be just a land mine under your balls.

Click link for More Visual Jokes

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Humor- Jokes For All

1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while
driving.

2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and
the other is the husband!

4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they
wanted cash.

5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've
purchased new school uniforms.

6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you
cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

8. You can't buy love . . but you pay heavily for it.

9. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

10. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

11. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get
tired.

12. My girlfriend and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she
agrees with me.

13. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

14. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

15. It doesn't  matter how often a married man changes his job, he
still ends up with the same boss.

16. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom
gets to speak.

17. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it
for you.

18. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk
because they have to say something.

19. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address
book.

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Extremely Funny Joke About Men And Women

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed
to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of what you wish for!" The woman
said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will
flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most
Beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world.
And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay,
because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story:
Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you.
Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story:
Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show
that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies
who have a good sense of humour.

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The Five Toughest Questions For Married Men

Three phases in a man's life:

Men before marriage: "yeah mom...no mom...okay mom...bye mom..."
Engaged Men: "awww...please don't go...stay...no byes now...let's do it..."
Married Men: "uhh...yeahhh...of course, dear... no honey...really, darling? Sure, honeybun...you wanna do it?...it's okay if you don't want to...cool... love you, darling..." (Wife sleeps...long pause later)... "Whew!"

Every married man should know these above answers. Anything other than these will result in absolute and total moments of stress for men, guaranteed. So, what is the best way to answer impossible questions?
See the pic above for reference...and then... read the following article which is extremely funny with advice on what to say and what not to say.

Reproduced here from
James S. Huggins' Refrigerator Door (http://www.jamesshuggins.com)

The Five Toughest Questions For Married Men:

1. What are you thinking about?

2. Do you love me?

3. Do I look fat?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?

5. What would you do if I died?

Here is the problem: If the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth), every single one is absolutely guaranteed to explode into a major argument.

As a public service, I analyze each question and provide the possible answers.

#1: What are you thinking about?

The best answer to this is:

"I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which is, most likely, one of the following:

a. Baseball.

b. Football.

c. How fat you are.

d. How much prettier she is than you.

e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best classic response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg: "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

#2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!"

If you feel a more detailed answer is in order:
"Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Yah, sure, you betcha.

b. Would it make you feel better if I said "yes"?

c. That depends on exactly what you mean by love.

d. Does it matter?

e. Who, me?

#3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic:
"Of course not!"

Among the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?

b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.

c. A little extra weight looks good on you.

d. I've seen fatter.

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

#4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic:
"Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality.

b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.

c. Not as pretty as you, when you were her age.

d. It depends on how you define pretty.

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

#5: What would you do if I died?

This is the all-time, no-win question.

(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette.")

There is no good answer.

No matter how you answer, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again?

Man: Definitely not!

Woman: Why not? Don't you like being married?

Man: Of course I do.

Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

Man: Okay, I'd get married again.

Woman: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

Man: Yes, I would.

Woman: (After a long pause) Would you sleep with her in our bed?

Man: Where else would we sleep?

Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

Man: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

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